Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
