During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
