He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
