You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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