I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
