DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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