i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
