it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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