The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
