What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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