She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
