i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
