she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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