either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.