I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.