Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.