dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....