I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
