saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
