toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
