And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
