Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
