I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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