you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's rum buckets o'clock
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
