They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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