Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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