my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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