my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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