Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
