I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
