No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
