You really coming over, don't trick.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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