i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
