i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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