I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize