Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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