chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
