I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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