hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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