walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
handjob tips. give me some.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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