Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
