I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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