no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
