i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
