Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
