she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
