is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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