at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
