we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
