I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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