Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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