She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
