i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
