No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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