Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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