it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
