Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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