I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
