Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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