I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
