this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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