we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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