I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
