So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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