Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
