dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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