My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
