Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
