the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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