He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
