i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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